I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She needs sedatives and a leash
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
