Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
