It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
