It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
