Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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