I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
