i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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