Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
