I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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