every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
