ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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