And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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