Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
