Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
