Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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