One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
