You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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