Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
