i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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