you have to choose: penises or morals?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
