im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
