I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
