The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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