the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
