I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
