I swear she didn't look like that last week.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize