she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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