hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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