Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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