so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
