I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
