Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
