Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
