his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
