they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
