Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
