So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
