Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I FOUND THE LEGS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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