On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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