I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
