I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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