On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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