Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize