I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
