I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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