I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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