is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
