Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
