Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
