the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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