After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
