it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
