get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize