i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
