You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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