I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
