some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
