Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
