just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
