hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So here I am, sexting at work.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
