What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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