I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
