It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
