Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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