Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
