I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
