hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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