I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
