they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize