dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
