I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
