I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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