do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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