They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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