I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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