Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
