It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize