My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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